Tia Juana will cheerfully provide advice for anyone that asks. Just mail your questions to “Ask Tia Juana” at PO Box 8, Van Horn, Texas 79855. All questions will remain anonymous unless there is a chance for extortion. Disclaimer: Tia Juana is not a licensed counselor or therapist and none of the advice should be considered professional.
Dear Tia,
I recently traveled to go see a very sick relative who was in the hospital. There were quite a few relatives there and I quickly tried to make my way to hug each one. Imagine my surprise when I got to a cousin whose first words out of his mouth were about how heavy I was and that I better watch it or I was going to end up in the hospital too. I was speechless and extremely embarrassed. I thought about going off on him, but decided that it was not the right time or place to get into it with him. Did I mention that he molested me when I was very young, although I know he thinks I don’t remember. Sooooo…needless to say, he is not my favorite relative. I blew off his insult, but he wouldn’t let it die and continued to comment about my weight. I was hoping that one of my other relatives would say something to him in my defense, but either they didn’t hear him or didn’t want to start a fight. Should I have said something even if it led to a more unpleasant situation?
Plus size
Dear Plus,
One’s first instinct when attacked like you were, is to lash out in retaliation. One good comeback that I always think about is, “I may be fat, but you are really ugly, and I can always go on a diet.” However, the way you describe the situation, this was not the time nor the place to start a family feud, although it sounds as though he would be the only one on his side. I think the classy way to put him in his place is in private, by email or text. Be sure you tell him that you remember that he molested you, and that there is no statute of limitations for that kind of crime. Then you can tell him that you thought his comments were disgusting, rude and totally classless. Be sure you tell him that the next time he embarrasses you, you are not going to stay quiet or hold back and that he won’t like it. You might also want to avoid him and snub him at your next family gathering so that he gets the hint…or not…People like him thrive on hurting others because they themselves are so miserable. Don’t hate him, pity him. Good luck!
